Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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