did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
