we have pet lesbian snakes
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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