Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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