Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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