just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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