At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I touched a dick in church today
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
