i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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