Betty ford says i'm here all night
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize