His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
