All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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