Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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