i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
