Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
