I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
