Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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