I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
