I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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