Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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