i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
