so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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