I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
