You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
