mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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