wanna go halves on a baby?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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