dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
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You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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