I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize