If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
