White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
