I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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