i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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