Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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