My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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