booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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