Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
