I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
