remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
