we're blogging at a bar
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
