dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
