Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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