Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
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My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize