Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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