WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
