There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
