The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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