he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
