she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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