he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
