Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .

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(330): I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia . http://tfl.nu/fovz

Replies (12) Good night (1714) Bad night (2505)
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(914): View more from New York

oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.

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(914): oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress. http://tfl.nu/z9ci

Replies (9) Good night (932) Bad night (2879)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.

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(215): She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier. http://tfl.nu/gy92

Replies (25) Good night (735) Bad night (5489)
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(757): View more from Virginia

At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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(757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091

Replies (298) Good night (75443) Bad night (3071)
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(949): View more from California

you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.

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(949): you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application. http://tfl.nu/ha6k

Replies (7) Good night (3776) Bad night (1059)
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(772): View more from Florida

I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates

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(772): I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates http://tfl.nu/4z1l

Replies (3) Good night (2448) Bad night (942)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day

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(414): Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day http://tfl.nu/nn34

Replies (3) Good night (5023) Bad night (1075)
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(815): View more from Illinois

walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.

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(815): walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill. http://tfl.nu/3jcw

Replies (5) Good night (2476) Bad night (1144)
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(469): View more from Texas

Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.

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(469): Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again. http://tfl.nu/qvag

Replies (6) Good night (2352) Bad night (878)
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(214): View more from Texas

If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.

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(214): If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes. http://tfl.nu/n8v9

Replies (6) Good night (2381) Bad night (988)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.

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(414): let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it. http://tfl.nu/b1tu

Replies (10) Good night (1661) Bad night (592)
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(907): View more from Alaska

Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.

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(907): Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was. http://tfl.nu/9i4y

Replies (3) Good night (1944) Bad night (616)
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(226): View more from Ontario

I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.

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(226): I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday. http://tfl.nu/cgf7

Replies (5) Good night (1721) Bad night (1181)
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(313): View more from Michigan

I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed

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(313): I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed http://tfl.nu/x74n

Replies (1) Good night (656) Bad night (427)
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(616): View more from Michigan

If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.

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(616): If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine. http://tfl.nu/wf47

Replies (2) Good night (599) Bad night (488)

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