hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You're a waste of cheezeits
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
