im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.