Texts From Last Night

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  (719): View more from Colorado

  just survived the first fart of the relationship.

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  (719): just survived the first fart of the relationship. http://tfl.nu/r3p3
  Replies (15) Good night (4013) Bad night (762)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.

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  (913): Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor. http://tfl.nu/qg7g
  Replies (35) Good night (5159) Bad night (707)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.

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  (540): Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work. http://tfl.nu/ghtv
  Replies (11) Good night (1007) Bad night (4000)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room

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  (201): i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room http://tfl.nu/urin
  Replies (4) Good night (4023) Bad night (834)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall

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  (917): It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall http://tfl.nu/9ve8
  Replies (81) Good night (1375) Bad night (5384)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.

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  (732): I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final. http://tfl.nu/j44u
  Replies (9) Good night (5457) Bad night (1009)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  But I thought everyone had breakup sex?

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  (703): But I thought everyone had breakup sex? http://tfl.nu/04j7
  Replies (24) Good night (5111) Bad night (1475)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.

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  (601): Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back. http://tfl.nu/ihr9
  Replies (2) Good night (2150) Bad night (893)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song

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  (740): Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song http://tfl.nu/pqc4
  Replies (20) Good night (4043) Bad night (1128)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater

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  (778): There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater http://tfl.nu/g5ze
  Replies (4) Good night (815) Bad night (2381)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Smooth sack

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  (864): I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf? (864): Smooth sack http://tfl.nu/a871
  Replies (12) Good night (1109) Bad night (500)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  At least you got your shooes

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  (775): The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time" (1-775): At least you got your shooes http://tfl.nu/51m2
  Replies (6) Good night (1816) Bad night (607)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.

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  (907): I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/mxr7
  Replies (6) Good night (898) Bad night (301)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.

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  (614): I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely. http://tfl.nu/lx5s
  Replies (7) Good night (237) Bad night (764)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  I can't

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  (216): When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter... (1-216): I can't http://tfl.nu/0pin
  Replies (4) Good night (213) Bad night (708)

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