Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny