I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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