Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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