fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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