Me. At least after what I've been through.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
