after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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