Are my feet made of real feet?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
