Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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