so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
