the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
