Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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