Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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