You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
