Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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