do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
