Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
