how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How's work?
Spinning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Drake has all the answers
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
