My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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