it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
