somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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