I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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