we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
