I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
